Remembering What Really Matters

I am not going to waste your time and mine by telling you “humans aren’t perfect, so don’t be upset if you fail!” because let’s be honest, it’s bullshit. It’s a stupid line that no one really believes and that makes absolutely no one feel better. What I can tell you is that failing is important. Failing is growing, maturing, and learning.

Failing is essential, and failing is necessary. Sure, Steve can pick up a trumpet and learn it instantly whereas it takes you longer to understand how to actually play the cursed thing, however, does that make you inferior to Steve in any way?

Absolutely not.

You need to remember that the more effort you put into something, no matter what it is, the more important it will be to you. If you never put the time into studying, then quiet obviously, studying for a test is not on your daily schedule. Not that you don’t care about what your grade is in the class, it’s just that you don’t really care for studying for hours for the test when you take notes in class. Simple. However, for someone who studies for a test when the unit is first introduced, studying is crucial. Nothing comes before studying, and the only thing that come after studying, is more studying. And that’s totally fine, in fact, both mindsets are totally fine. Studying does and doesn’t work for some people, that’s just life. But we all need to step back for a moment and really think about what actually matters.

Your every failure, slip-up and fall shapes who you are and who you will become. Every time you fall, no matter how many times you fall, you learn just a little bit more. You can walk a little bit faster, and you get up just a little bit faster. Please, please try to understand me when I say that failing at something is totally okay, and is completely normal.

Society fails us in trying to support that mindset. School fails us in trying to support that mindset. Hell, maybe even your parents and peers fail in trying to support that mindset. But here, you’re going to hear a different tune. As long as you’re willing to learn, failing is okay. You will fall, but understand why that happened, and get back up ready to tackle the problem again. You can’t “perfect” something without failing multiple times in trying to succeed (again, I’m pretty sure this is a movie quote, just unsure where from).

Stand up, crack your knuckles, stretch your neck and take a breath. Remember that every time you’re going to fall down you will get back up better than before and smarter than before. That’s what really matters. Look forward, look towards what you can succeed in doing now that you have learned more rather than looking back towards what you failed at doing.

Shut Out Your Opposition

Obviously the central theme here has a lot to deal with personality and individuality. In my opinion, that’s the first step in all of this. If you can truly get an understanding of what and who you are, and to “own it” the better off everything else will be. Focusing a little less on yourself and more on how others will react and are already acting, is what I’ll try to cover today.

We’ve already covered the topic of “You’re different, learn to get over it”. But maybe I didn’t give that statement enough attention; enough respect. I want to fix that by going a little more in-depth with it and to help you understand what I mean, if that was unclear before this.

Being different, means you challenge the “norm” and the “accepted” part of society. Challenge breeds conflict, and conflict breeds suffering, even to the slightest degree. (100000000000% positive I stole that from some action movie, just unsure of what movie that is. Oh well)

Challenging what most of the crowd has already accepted into their normal lives means something has to change. And from what I’ve gathered about society is that no one likes change. Change requires effort and time, and a lot of people really don’t appreciate giving that up. Change could mean you are a step ahead of them and the worst part is that cannot be accepted today. You either conform or get neglected. It’s as simple as that for them.

What you need to challenge yourself to do is to not back down, because you know they won’t if they go unopposed. It’s your right, no matter your origins, to stand up against your enemy. Granted, I’m not saying declare war nor am I advocating for physical violence. What I mean is, you fight back using your words and actions in life. Band together with your brothers and sisters and everyone else you identify with as a whole.  They will try to separate you and pick you apart, however it’s up to you to stand up for yourself. No one else can do it for you, I can just stand here cheering you on.

You can do it, you can fight back and you can show them that you will not be brought down. You are not one to mess with. You are not one that can be tossed aside. You are to be heard. You are to be known by all as the one who accepted change. What this world really needs right now is love sure, but even more general than that, this world needs change. And it’s not going to happen on its own. You are the resistance. You are the rebellion; band together and influence the change of the century. Don’t accept conformity, instead I challenge you to fight against it.

You are not to be ignored. If you can accept that, then you can and will go far. Just hold onto your ideals and values. Don’t let anyone take that way from you.

But How Can I Feel Significant?

Sure, I can tell you that it’s up to you all I want, but the same question will always be looping in your head. “How can I do that?” I mean, shit, if it were that easy I wouldn’t be feeling this way. That’s why I gave myself so much “room” here to tell you how I believe you can do this, how you can feel significant. So I can only hope, through all this, you can glimpse into what I’m talking about and see my perspective on how you can see yourself the way I see you. Taking a line from something I’m sure you would hear at some high school rally… You cannot say unique, without starting with you first.

Tying into a farther back post, we are all different. We are different for a reason. Scientifically we are different for our survival, for evolution. Religiously, we are different to reflect our creators and approach our own special destiny. A simple thought with many varying interpretations. Some how, someone thought that being different was a bad thing. That not being in a uniform clique actually puts you at the disadvantage. Since this message surrounds us, it really wasn’t hard to subconsciously accept it either. And now we have to fight back and achieve the understanding that difference is key and what helps us advance as a society.

You may not be able to play sports like she does, you may not be able to look the way he does, and you may not be able to succeed in school the way your parents did but how does that one little facet of your life affect every other bit? You are wonderfully complex and cannot be understood. You are so much deeper than meets the eye and your story extends farther than any series of books. You are, simply, amazing. You have so much going for yourself that you don’t even know yet. Whether you haven’t been in that stage of your life yet, or, you just can’t see it, you are truly incredible. I don’t care that you can’t play guitar like a famous rock star. I don’t care that you don’t have the best grades in school. I don’t care that you can’t play a perfect game of basketball pulling up from wherever you please. And guess what, you shouldn’t either. Because guess what? While you’re focusing on what you are unable to accomplish, you are forgetting how hard you work to support your family. While you’re worried about why your grades aren’t where you want them to be you’re somehow forgetting just how much you balance on your daily schedule, whereas Joe does nothing all day long.

Point being, you are tunnel visioned on one aspect of your life you may not have figured out yet and have mistreated the other aspects.

Please, please understand your significance does not begin and end with a decimal point. Or with your shooting percentage from the 3 point line. Or from how bad ass your guitar solo is. Your significance is a reflection of your personality, your character. And let me tell you not one single person can take that away from you. Your personality or character is so much deeper than these stupid little things that may surround your life.

You are truly amazing and wonderful to be around because of what makes you, you. You are defined by what you wish to define yourself as and that power was given to you at birth and cannot be taken away.

Wake up, and look at yourself in the mirror. You are unique. Don’t lose focus of yourself.

The Battle for Significance

Here, I will be doing my very best to help shed some light on a very common value you see in all of my posts, significance. Significance taking the form of being unique, being yourself, or understanding that your different was very apparent in the last blog post however this one is essentially a further explanation and clarification on what I mean when I say “you’re unique”.

We’ve been surrounded with this message ever since we were little. You were taught by your parents, guardians, and friends what it means to “make your mark”. We walk around with our own “identities”, your own placard telling everyone “Hi my name is ____”. We’ve struggled with this concept all our lives. I wish to be the class clown, I wish to be the funny kid, I wish to be the popular one, I wish to be loved by all… You can’t even really help it, but it’s been in your life whether you have noticed it or not. I mean, think back right now, even if you were the quiet one, that was your mark in class. Be quiet, focus on school, move on. What did you do in school and who were you to everyone else? Focusing on this is key because you must understand your roots in order to grow.

Of course, as life goes on this concept becomes a much bigger issue. The scale is bigger, and there’s more at stake now or at least we convince ourselves this much. Why is it that when we’re young we have more sense of purpose and belonging? Why is this phenomenon occurring, spinning wildly out of control? Why is it that when I was in fourth grade I had it all figured it out but now in college I struggle with identity issues? Why can’t I fit in? Why can’t I be that guy? Why can’t I be her? Why can’t I make others happy? Why can’t I just change? Why do I have to be this way? Why must I struggle, and take others down with me? Why must I be in agony all the time?

Stop.

Breathe, listen to me. Please, don’t let the voices scream too loud.

You have less to worry about and handle when you’re a kid, that’s an obvious fact. As you grow up, the more you have to worry about and the more you’re responsible. That’s where the problem begins. But as the problem grows, like a cancer, we continue on with our lives. We only notice it when it grows into the tumor that ruins and runs our everyday schedule. But this does not mean that there’s nothing we can do. This does not mean there is no hope. Yes, there is medication to try to combat symptoms of your “struggle to feel or be significant” but it’s never that easy is it? I wish the mind was something that could be plugged in and changed. I wish that we had the right understanding of our brains and the dynamic of how “emotions” work so that all we have to do is pop the pill. But let’s be frank, it doesn’t work that way does it? Addiction or a sense of loss seemingly is a constant cycle to those who are emotionally dependent on these remedies. I wholeheartedly believe this isn’t a problem that medication can solve, only postpone, maybe lessen but never fix.

No, in fact, I think I know the solution. The solution is you, and you too have the power to get out of this. People are definitely there to point you in the right direction and pick you up when we stumble but listen to me, you are the only one able to walk. You are the only one who can step right, then left. Think about it, it’s your strength it’s your power. If you can really understand this, it will make my next post make a hell of a lot more sense.

You are the strongest person I know, you can do it.

 

How-To “Approach” Society

So if you are paying attention to the blog, you would have read with the last post the explanation for this one. I decided to split it up into two posts with one goal into mind “don’t text dump”. One blog post that goes in-depth so that the next blog post can just be geared to my advice regarding society and what this may help you with. So let’s go right into it.

Arguably, one can define society as the embodiment of people all working towards goals and visions. Society is not constant, rather, ever-changing and evolving. Society today is vastly different from what it used to, and everything can affect it. Society today, more often than not, holds a rather negative place in our lives. For good reason too, I mean, society is geared towards placing expectancies and behaviors on all of us as if it’s their job. In recent times, when the internet and social media became much more apparent in our lives, society assumed a very parental role. And correct me if I’m wrong, no one really asked for them to. They stand and point fingers at you, wishing to drive you into the ground. Showering you in ideals, values and cultures that you must assume is right. And a lot of times, we do, without even really knowing it. I mean how many times have you heard the expression just because everyone does it, doesn’t make it right. Wow, thanks genius, a little harder than you think. I’d like to argue the same person who came up with that came up with the expression sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. And how valid does that sound? Social pressures are the hardest things to ignore, I mean if everyone does it, why aren’t I? Is there something wrong with me? Why can’t I be like everyone else? 

We all have had these thoughts, and if you dare tell me you haven’t, you’re lying. Alright, now to what we can do, or more importantly, what you can do.

First, and hardest step of all, stop doubting yourself. You are MEANT to be different from everyone. You were not made, whether you want to say it’s due to religious reason or scientific, to be like someone else. Religiously, you were made to fill out one purpose, and that purpose can only be fulfilled by you and only you, seriously. Scientifically, how well off would our race be if evolution wasn’t a thing? You were born with your own iterations and specific traits so that you could single-handedly be a better human than the last. Relax, I know evolution is slow, but you get the point. I don’t care if everyone does that one thing, or looks that sort of way, never at any point in time were you supposed to be like them.

Secondly, appreciate that you’re different. You are unique, you are I promise. Whatever quirk, hobby, pet peeve, trait, or “thing” about you makes you special and makes you, you. Life wouldn’t be the way it is if everyone had the same personality. You are the very reason this life has “more flavor”.

Thirdly, relax. This process takes a lifetime to master, seriously. You will back track, doubt yourself, cry, wish you were the same, or feel like you’re going nowhere. These are the very obstacles that are thrown at you by yourself and others that are meant to shape you. That’s right, it is not life’s pleasures that shape you, it’s life’s hardships that build character. How you respond to these doubts and hurdles strengthens your character each and every time. You should not care that today you made only an inch step forward. Because guess what, no matter how you spin, every step forward is progress.

Society is a judgmental creature that doesn’t withhold wrath from anyone, you are all susceptible and have been attacked before. Sure, there are those that can ignore and withstand the torment but there are plenty of others that can’t and we all need to band together to help everyone. I’m going to do all that I can to give you a voice, to give you a place where help isn’t offered, expected from me. I hope this helps you in some sort of way.

A Simple “How-To” Never Hurts

Just like me, you must be wondering what really fits here. The subject matter of this blog makes it really hard to put a “How-To” in. But I intend on trying to somehow make it work. First, we have to define what the “How-To” is, what problem we are going to tie it into, and finally, how in-depth can we make the tutorial?

A “How-To” in my opinion should be focused on a difficult, complex subject. I mean, if you are going to make a tutorial, you can at least focus on something that people actually need help figuring out. It doesn’t really do anyone any good if you decide to make a “How-To” on something like tying your shoes. I mean come on, you don’t have 5 year-olds reading blogs when they don’t have anything to do. Anyways, regarding my demographic and topic of the blog, what could I possibly “teach you”?

Like I said, you have to focus on something complex. Thinking about it, what is more complex than society. I mean, society itself is filled with embodiments of peer pressure, judgement, and anchors meant to bring you down. Society is filled with people who sit behind screens typically talking about topics they know little to nothing of, or just wish to brighten their days by saying something they most definitely should not have said. But you already know that, don’t you? In fact, if you’re reading this, you have either been a victim or perpetrator of either of these instances.

Alright now, how in-depth can we make it? With something like SOCIETY, I am sure that you’re thinking this could get pretty damn long. However, thinking rationally for a moment, if I text dump you a lot of stuff about “How to _____ society”, you may get a little lost. Probably even disinterested, and I wouldn’t blame you. I would too. I’ll make it short and sweet as I can, making sure that I get to the point as directly as possible.

Alright now finally, what can we make this “How-To” about and how is it geared to help you. Society brings a lot to the table that would take several days to really dissect and talk about, in depth. It would be ludicrous to think that I could pick apart each and every facet of it and try to break it down for you so instead lets just focus on facet. This aspect of society is essentially ever-present in your every day life. It isn’t specific to who you are, or what you do, it’s just kind of there. However, it is needless to say you can’t really ignore it either. One of the biggest things that society “attacks” is your self-image and the perspective of such. Don’t be fooled into thinking this is just a “girl” thing. This is universal to each and every one of us.

Our image is important to us, and for a good reason. How you wish to associate yourself with the world, your peers, and your family is arguably tied to your self-image. However society is tireless in trying to shape that image in what they call “a correct manner”. They actually believe that it is up to them to say who and what you are. As if you somehow signed up for some program that forces you to be subject to others saying “Hey, sorry you’re doing your life wrong. Try again.” Very hard to say this doesn’t get on your nerves. Especially if it comes in the form of “micro aggression”.

So stay posted, I’ll have a post rolling out soon talking about what society does, and how you can respond to this form of aggression.

Setting up the foundation

It’s really hard to define, or even talk about, the mind. Arguably one of life’s greatest mysteries, our minds hold the potential for virtually anything and everything. Creating, withholding, storing, learning, etc. Our minds are unique to each and every one of us. 7 billion people, 7 billion personalities, 7 billion different iterations of the same human form. Now, I am not here nor could I be here to explain the mind. What I am here for is a little bit more, personal. Each and every day we encounter different scenarios that shape who we are. Whether it’s picking up trash you see on the street, or saving someone from a burning building, our lives are crafted to shape who we are. Now, with that being said, life has to step in at some point and really mess things up, just to see how you would react. “If I put this here, what are you going to do with it” type of thing. Life brings each and every one of us highs, lows, plateaus, fantastic days, unbelievably shitty days; life can do it all.

To put it plainly, life can be scary and it is completely unpredictable. You don’t, and cannot, guarantee anything that goes on tomorrow. And for a lot of us, that’s terrifying, like me. Ever since I was a little kid, I hated “not knowing”. It was awful, and to use as an example let’s look at the typical humorous example that is Christmas. I always wanted to know what I had gotten; I would go extraordinary lengths just to appease my state of uncertainty. Moving to a little bit more of an extreme example, you can look at high school. I hated seeing people giving me side glances and talking at the same time. In fact, seeing that would give me anxiety and the irresistible urge to confront the group to find out what they were saying; assuming it was about me.

In short, I get anxious when I don’t know something. Regardless of that, I made the decision to make this blog. To make this “Safe Place” (horrible title but stay focused) that any and all are welcome to reading. A place where I can unload my thoughts, opinions and problems and see if maybe you could sort through your own confusion. I wish to upload texts and segments that once you finish reading through, you have another perspective on life itself and could maybe better yourself in the present/future. We’re all human and we are all going through struggles and issues that make, and sometimes break us. How are we expected to move forward if we can’t band together as a whole and pick each other up? Your Safe Place wishes to give you that helping hand. Here, society cannot reach you. Here, your bully that sits across from you in class cannot reach you. Here, your overly critical “friends”, cannot reach you. I am going to make myself vulnerable in a lot of ways in this blog, and I can only ask that you do the same, when you’re ready.